


Colourful days

by homeros



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Imprinting, Love Triangles, Minor Violence, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-01-21 13:30:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 8,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21300248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homeros/pseuds/homeros
Summary: In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.
Relationships: Embry Call/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	1. Prologue - A Long Conversation

Nessie turned physically six and started to ask more and more questions Jacob wasn’t prepared for.

‘Jacob, do you have a girlfriend?’ ‘Jacob, why is your skin always so hot?’ ‘Jacob, what happened to Emily’s face?’

It was hard explaining those last ones; they had decided not to tell her about the shape shifters until she was older. Jacob had heard about Jared and Sam showing their wolf form to their imprints the first time, and no one ever took it well. He didn’t want to scare Renesmee, certainly not at such a young age. So he made up stories, said ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’ll tell you one day’. 

The hardest one, however, was this: ‘Jacob, do you have a best friend?’ 

Part of him wanted to throw the Ken doll in the fireplace so bad, but every now and then a memory of Embry came back. _ You love her, Jacob. You’d do anything for her. Isn’t that what love is? You should know. _So he smiled at her and said: ‘No, not at the moment.’ 

‘Mommy said that Embry was your best friend when you were young’, she carelessly chattered, ‘but I think that isn’t true because I don’t know an Embry.’ 

Renesmee wasn’t even looking at him; she was too busy putting a new dress on her doll. For a second, Jacob really hated that. It always vexed him when people casually talked about Embry. And though he wasn’t a very emotional guy, the shame he felt would blurry his sight every time. 

‘Embry left.’, he admitted, yet twisted the truth a bit when he went on. ‘Something happened and we couldn’t deal with it.’ 

‘Who is we?’ 

‘My friends and I’, he told her through gritted teeth. 

Now she looked up at him. Renesmee put her Barbie down and sat next to Jacob. ‘Are you mad at me?’

‘No’, he said, unable to resist her doe-like eyes, ‘I’ll never be’. _ You’d do anything for her. _The words echoed as angrily in his head as they did the first time and the underlying message even more.

_ Don’t be such a hypocrite _.


	2. Prologue - A Long Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

When Renesmee was about ten years older, Jacob explained imprinting to her. 

‘Can you choose it?’, she asked out of curiosity. 

‘No, you can’t.’ 

‘So, if I were a werewolf, I could imprint on anyone. Like anyone, anyone?’ 

‘Anyone’, Jacob laughed. He pulled her a bit closer and stared at the sea. Nessie cracked a smile. ‘Even my dad?’ 

‘Theoretically, yes.’ 

Then she wondered why he suddenly kept such a pokerface on. 

‘What’s the matter, Jacob?’ 

He shrugged it off. 

‘Alright then’, she said, taking a deep breath of air, ‘but there’s something I want to ask you.’ She hopped on the hood of his car. ‘I suddenly thought of it yesterday. Remember when I asked you about… what was his name again? Em...?’ 

‘Embry’, Jacob corrected, not really liking where she went with the conversation. 

‘Yes. Embry. Whatever happened to him? I know you told me something but it wasn’t really an explanation, I guess.’

Jacob sighed. ‘It’s not something that I’m proud of.’ 

Renesmee took his hand and told him it was okay. ‘We have all done bad things.’ 

So he continued.


	3. Chapter 1 - Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

The Egyptian blue couch was the showpiece of Tiffany Call’s living room. Her son was sleeping on it, flat on his back, and you sat at his feet. A ray of red afternoon light shone through the open French windows, making the droplets of sweat on his forehead visible. You lightly touched his hand, which was burning up. 

Outside, a few figures emerged from the woods. They entered your backyard, and you quickly recognized one as Sam Uley. You got up and ran towards the window. Before you could close it and the curtains as well, he called out your name. An angry face was what they got in return, but how could it be something else when they stood there like that? Those abnormal muscles, that ridiculous tattoo, … everyone would be suspicious of them. 

‘We need to talk to you.’

Sam and the other two were waiting at the porch. Barefoot you walked towards them.

‘What for?’

‘It’s about Embry’, the guy at Sam’s right said.

You crossed your arms and looked away. ‘He doesn’t want you here. Neither do I.’

‘It’s not about what he wants, sweetheart’, the one on the left said. He stared at you intensely and suddenly you felt very uncomfortable in your yellow summer dress.

Sam noticed. ‘What Paul means to say, is that we only want to help Embry.’

‘How? He’s sick. He needs a doctor.’ And then you said in an unfriendly tone; ‘And I don’t really think you guys will be ‘helping’ him. Whatever you are, he doesn’t want to be a part of it.’

Hinting at them being in some gang clearly pissed Paul off, so he said he was going to talk to Embry himself and walked right past you. 

You grabbed his arm and jerked him back. ‘Leave him alone! All of you, just go before I call the police.’

‘There’s no need for that, sweethe-’

‘What’s going on?’, Embry asked with a husky voice. He rubbed his eye with his hand and it scared you how much he looked like them.

‘Nothing’, you tried, ‘they were just leaving.’

‘We’ve got to talk to you, man’, the guy, whose name you didn’t know, explained.

Embry suddenly seemed very annoyed; ‘I don’t think that’s necessary.’ Then he called you and told you to go inside.

Sam spoke up, said it was, and tried to calm him down.

‘I don’t want to hear it - none of it! Go away!’

You heard his voice betray him and knew he was scared. Why, you had no idea, but he started to tremble heavily.

Sam told him not to get angry, but it got worse, right until you touched his shoulder from behind. Your soft fingers on his skin, the cold metal of your ring, his whispered name. Embry took a deep breath, placed his hand on your lower back and guided you inside. Completely ignoring Sam and his friends, he got inside as well, closed the window, locked it, and shut the curtains.


	4. Chapter 1 - Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

But their predictions were true, and Embry changed. 


	5. Chapter 1 - Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

A good fifteen minutes after you had called, he entered the room. Jacob Black found you in a pile of Embry’s clothes, frantically searching for something. 

‘There’s no suit. No suit at all. He doesn’t even have a single suit’, you told him with big, watery eyes. You picked up a shirt and watched the emersion of dark dots on it. 

Jacob, shocked by your heavy emotions, finally managed to ask you what on earth was wrong.

‘He’s gone, Jacob.’ Your voice broke as you said the words. You collapsed and fell right into his arms. Jacob held you there for a while as you cried, clothes scattered across the floor, with your face in his neck.

Then you told him; ‘He won’t come back, I just know. He’s dead and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can only find him some nice clothes for his funeral; that’s the only thing I can do for him.’

Jacob cupped your face with his hands and looked you sternly in the eyes. ‘Embry’s just gone, not dead. There’s no need to mourn him already.’

‘But there is; I know, I just know’, you whispered, tears still forming and falling.

‘He’ll come back - that’s what  _ I  _ know.’ 

Jacob covered your mouth when you tried to object, and told you to hush. Whether he did that because you were telling nonsense, or he just didn’t want to hear the truth, he did not know. He only knew that he wanted to stay there like that, and that was quite alright with you.


	6. Chapter 1 - Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

Jacob stayed the night as your mom often worked late on her second job as a waitress. You both lay on the couch Embry lay on only a few days ago, you in front of Jacob, his face in your hair. He had his arm wrapped around you and you stared at his fingers, now white, now gray, as the television was the only source of light in the room. 

‘What are we even watching?’, Jacob asked softly.

‘ _ La Grande Illusion _ . Do you want to watch something else?’

He quickly responded ‘no’; he was fine with whatever you wanted to see. 

Then you whispered: ‘I know you don’t believe me, but Embry  _ is  _ dead. I don’t know what I saw, but he must be. Otherwise it would make no sense.’

As you said this, you turned around in his arms, looking up to meet his eyes. There you found confusion, but you said nothing, as you couldn’t explain yourself. 

‘What did you see?’

‘I don’t know’, you answered, and after a while: ‘One moment he was there, and the next he was gone.’

‘Where was he?’

You stared through the window, rain heavily falling down. ‘In the garden, close to the woods. He got angry with me - I don’t even remember why - and ran off. Then… it seemed like his skin  _ broke _ . Gone, he was just gone then. And I’m not sure how he could still be alive when his skin broke, so he must be dead.’

Jacob had no words for what you said, but it never once occurred to him that you might be mad. He just figured you were tired and therefore wrapped his arms a bit tighter around you and told you to sleep. ‘Sleeping won’t take away what I saw, I-’. He cut you off by gently pressing his lips upon yours, and then said: ‘Sleep now’. 

And who knew Embry was out there, standing on the porch, soaked by the rain, watching through the window? Only God saw. Angry and scared, he ran off and phased.


	7. Chapter 2 - Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

‘But Embry wasn’t dead. He just phased’, Renesmee stated.

‘Indeed’, Jacob said, and stared somberly at the waves.


	8. Chapter 2 - Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

It took Embry a day after you had last seen him to figure out he’d better tell you. He picked up the phone at Emily’s house and nervously waited for you to answer.

‘Hello?’, you said.

Embry whispered your name. 

Back in your house, you held onto the kitchen counter as relief filled your heart. You felt the flowers in the garden bloom with each word he said.

He told you he missed you, and that you needed to talk. 

‘ _ Someone will pick you up in 15 minutes _ ’.

Silence took over and at last you realised that you had to say it. ‘I love you, you know that?’

Your voice trembled and Embry was a mile away, but he heard and  _ knew _ that those words meant more than they did just a few days ago.

‘I know’.


	9. Chapter 2 - Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

Fifteen minutes went by, and then five, and you found yourself in Sam Uley’s home. 

Emily Young tried to make it as pleasant for you as possible. She gave you something to drink and eat, told you Embry was fine, talked about the weather and told Paul to get lost as he touched your shoulder and said ‘I knew it was only a matter of time before you’d come to see me again, sweetheart’. Jared and Seth were watching sports on the television, and they were nice as well, but you still found your throat closed with nervousness as you tried to talk back to any of them. 

‘It’s okay, honey, it really is’, Emily told you as she noticed, ‘Embry will be here any minute, and he’ll explain everything to you.’

Any minute turned out to be a mere second, as you heard his voice from outside the house. He walked in through the open door, Sam at his left, and they were laughing together. 

‘So try to stay calm a little, ‘cause-’

Sam stopped talking the minute he saw you in the kitchen, and Embry had stopped long before him.

Within that very moment, God only knows truly how, everything changed. He had gotten even taller, and had gained even more muscles, but that was not what made such an impression on you. What did, was how you suddenly felt. You wanted to kiss him, everywhere, and let his hands touch you all over your body. You wanted to take and rip his clothes off, and make him whimper your name. With every emotion this feeling brought with it, it slowly but surely transformed into a thought, something along the lines of ‘I want you to fuck me right here and right now’, and into a more profound and pure one; ‘I want to love you forever’.

But with what seemed like all the eyes in the world on you, you dared say neither of them. So you gestured at his hair and your voice sounded as heavy as your heart felt. 

‘You cut your hair’.


	10. Chapter 2 - Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

Embry took you outside, and you sat on the grass. You were fidgeting with the hem of your skirt and it took you a while to look him in the eye. Your eyes looked so much alike, your mother once said, and that made him often so confronting; you felt like you were staring at yourself. 

‘I thought you were dead’, you confessed at last, and ended the sentence with a sob. A soft breeze brushed your skin, as if the earth was trying to comfort you. But nothing ever came even close to Embry’s arms wrapped around you, and him whispering ‘I’m so sorry’ in your ear. 

It felt strange, in a way, to touch him like that again, as the feeling of his skin against yours made your heartbeat stop for a second. As if you fell into cold water all of a sudden, but then you remembered how to breathe, and that you were safe with him. That’s when you hugged him back, clasped his shirt in your fists, and said ‘I’m so sorry’ even more.

He let go, dried your tears, then told you everything.


	11. Chapter 2 - Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

‘Is this the truth?’, you asked at last.

When he started explaining, the sun was still golden on his back, but now he noticed how beautiful your face looked as your eyes reflected the red dusk. 

‘Yes.’

You took a long look at Sam and Emily’s house. It seemed full of people and their laughter and their carelessness, something that now would forever be a strange thing to you and Embry. But Emily was already outside to call you for dinner, so you thought nothing of it and embraced it for as long as you could.

‘And it is their truth, too?’

‘It is.’

‘Then it will be mine as well’, you smiled at Embry and got up. You took his hand and went inside.


	12. Chapter 2 - Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

‘Where are we going?’, Renesmee asked Jacob.

He was driving her around, a stoic expression glued on his face. ‘To where I first saw them together.’

At some point, Jacob slowed down and turned left. Renesmee recognised the restaurant from some studying and eating fries after school with her friends.

‘The River’s Edge Restaurant.’

Jacob parked the car and they got out.

‘I was standing here, I believe’, he said, looking at the ground. Then he pointed at the restaurant, to a window with an empty table behind it. ‘They were right there. It still makes me angry, you know. I now know what had happened, but then I couldn’t help but get mad. What the fuck were they even doing there in the first place, sitting like that?’

To Renesmee, it was more something like Jacob explaining his angry thoughts to himself, but he needed to get it off his chest, and it was part of the story he had to tell, so she said nothing.


	13. Chapter 2 - Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

What Jacob saw was true, that is. It was another day with your mom working late, so Embry wanted to take you out. You both needed some privacy, and you liked crowded places, and how intimate they were.

So The River’s Edge Restaurant was perfect.

You spent the long hours of the evening smiling, looking at other people, talking about whatever was on your mind. Between the fries and the milkshakes, your fingers slowly intertwined. Embry brought them to his face and you reached out. Your fingertips brushed his cheek. 

And you touched his arm a few times, held his hand. Told him it was only you and him from now on.


	14. Chapter 2 - Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

It was a clear saturday morning, the window was open and the white curtains were blown all around. You sipped on your coffee, as did Embry. Edith Piaf was on the radio, cigarettes were burning in the ashtray.

‘Something changed, didn’t it?’

It didn’t seem like a question to you, but you still answered.

‘Of course it did - you’re a shapeshifter now and-’

‘Not that’, he interrupted. ‘Between us.’

The room turned silent.

‘Yes. I, I think so. Something _ did _change, but…’

‘But what?’

He stared at you, his fingers almost touching yours.

‘But what changed?’

‘I-’, Embry said as he leaned forward. He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, softly traced your jawline, touched your bottom lip, while you looked at the golden spots on his face, his eyes, his lips.

Suddenly, the sun drew behind a single cloud. 

‘God isn’t here, you know’, Embry muttered, holding the golden necklace you wore, with a little cross hanging in between your collarbones. ‘He hasn’t been here a long time.’

‘He’s always here, Embry’, you explained as you held his hand.

‘Then why-’

Your mother came in through the door. Her face was grimm and she looked as if she hadn’t slept in a week. She gave you a kiss and glanced coldly at Embry. 

‘Embry.’

He said nothing in return. 

She grabbed herself some coffee and went straight away, not even noticing the cigarettes.


	15. Chapter 2 - Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

‘She’ll come around’, you said as you walked through the forest.

‘No, she won’t. She doesn’t even like me anymore.’

It was already dark. Embry had wrapped you in his black denim jacket.

‘She does. She’s just… worried.’

‘What for?’, he asked and threw his arms in the air. ‘For God’s sake, if anything, she should be  _ scared _ of me, not worried!’

Your silence annoyed him.

‘Am I not right? I’ve turned into some sort of monster, and she’s worried I’ll get myself in trouble! I could fucking kill any man in a second, I could fucking kill you right now and no one would even hear.’

You pulled him in a hug. His trembling hands held firmly onto you.

‘It’s alright, Embry. It’s not worth it.’

‘But it is’, he whispered in your hair.

He was still holding you, but you placed your hands on his cheeks and made sure he looked you in the eye.

‘Then show me.’

A puzzled look was what you got in return, a confused ‘what?’ coming from his lips.

‘Show me what you’re like. You know what I mean.’

Without saying a word he stepped back, found a spot in the moonlight. His eyes were dark.

At some point Embry turned around and took off his shirt, kicked off his shoes and then the rest. You were standing on the forest path, noticing how the trees that surrounded the scene made you feel an outsider. But this was only for you, and the way the moon accentuated the muscles in his back was only for you to see.

‘Are you sure?’, he asked at last and you said ‘Yes’. A velvety night breeze carried the word all around.

Then he took a deep breath, and changed. You held your necklace.


	16. Chapter 3 - Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

‘Why on earth did you even forgive him? What reason did he have?’

‘I can’t tell you Jacob, but I can say he’s fine, and I’m fine, and everyth-’

The glass of water you had given him was now lying in a hundred pieces on the floor. 

‘Everything is not fucking fine! Do you even remember how he was acting? Do you even remember how you were after he disappeared?’, Jacob yelled in your face. ‘You were a fucking mess! I had to pick up the pieces, put you back together, and now, all of a sudden, you say you’re fine! How could you do that to me? Without even saying anything?’

‘Jacob, I-’, you tried to calm him down, but drew a sharp and quivering breath as he grabbed you behind your neck and pulled you close to him.

‘Don’t fucking say anything. All you ever do is lie. I just can’t fucking understand why you’d do that to me. After all I did for you.’

He threw you off of him. You stumbled to the counter. He kept screaming. 

You picked up a cigarette, placed it between your lips and tried to light it with trembling hands. All the while tears were falling down your face.

‘And I saw you the other day, at the restaurant, you know. Acting all sweet and nice, huh? God, I bet you’re fucking him too, aren’t you?’

You dared say nothing, only smoke coming out of your mouth. Jacob was still shouting, but you fixed your eyes on the garden from the window, sobbing.


	17. Chapter 3 - Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

‘This happened right after I went to the movies with your mom’, Jacob explained. ‘I was already angry with that ‘friend’ she brought with her, but when I saw…’

‘What did you see?’

‘They hugged - Embry left for patrol - and I got jealous, because of what I saw and what I had seen, and because of what I knew. I figured we had to talk, and when I left it happened.’

_ Right here _ , Renesmee suspected. They were a few blocks away from your house.


	18. Chapter 3 - Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

He had the setting sun behind him, his white shirt the centre of gold, then a pastel scala of yellow, pink and indigo surrounding him. On a light blue car he carelessly leaned, playing with the keys with one hand and a smug smile on his face.

‘Embry!’, you cried out before running towards him and pulling him in an embrace. He wrapped an arm around your waist and felt the way it lifted your skirt, your thigh against his.

‘Happy birthday, son, and to you as well’, Billy Black called out from the front door. He couldn’t help but notice, but it was such a beautiful day and the way you smiled at each other was just irresistible.

‘Did he really give you this?’

‘He did’, Embry answered, his hand in your hair. ‘He said it was his father’s, and he kept it around for me.’

‘From what year is it?’

You walked around the Ford, tracing it slightly, never looking away from Embry’s eyes.

‘1955, I think. So, where shall I take you?’


	19. Chapter 3 - Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

The sunlight he bathed in made his russet skin rather gold, but the sun never made him look like a god, the way it did to Embry.

Embry wasn’t there though, in Emily’s living room, but Sam, Paul and Leah were. You didn’t ask for an audience, yet Jacob wanted to let everyone know how sorry he was.

‘Listen, I’m-’

‘There’s nothing I have to say to you’, you quickly interrupted him. 

No one said a word, shamelessly observing what was unfolding in front of their eyes. Jacob made his way over and crouched in front of you, trying to look you in the eye. He noticed you were uncomfortable on the couch so close to him, but he couldn’t help himself. The way you sat there in your dress, the white fabric accentuating the deep colour of your skin, God’s necklace, the shape of your breasts, your teary eyes. It all was beyond enchanting now.

‘But I’m sorry for what I did and said. I’m sorry for yelling, and hurting you, and making you feel like this.’

Jacob sighed at your silence.

‘It wasn’t me who was talking. I don’t even know why I said all that, especially those things about you and Embry. It wasn’t fair and I’m sorry.’

He tried to draw you close to him, but your shoulders were frozen.

‘You hurt me, Jacob.’

Never once you looked at him.

He traced your jaw with his fingertips, said ‘I know’ and ‘I’m sorry’ at least a hundred times. Suddenly, he gently grabbed your chin and made you look at him. Then he gazed into your eyes for a long time, searching for something. But never finding anything.


	20. Chapter 3 - Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

You were lying on the Egyptian blue couch. So was Jacob, flat on his back, while resting his head on your stomach. You ran your fingers through his hair in an effort to calm him down. 

‘I wish I could stay here forever’, he said, leaning into your hand as you traced his jaw and cheek.

‘You can. You know I won’t mind.’

‘But Embry will.’

‘Why would you think that?’

Jacob shrugged. ‘I don’t think he likes us hanging out too much.’ He paused for some time. ‘And I think it’s because he’s jealous.’ 

It made you laugh. 

He didn’t know what to do then; the sound of your voice, the way your body moved under his. All he wanted to do was turn around and kiss you.

Instead Jacob sighed, and he enjoyed the sun on his face and the feeling of your skin.

‘I don’t know why he’d be jealous.’

‘It doesn’t matter. All that matters now is that I get Paul and Rachel to marry as soon as possible so they get out of my house.’

‘But why married? It would be easier to get them to break up, no?’

‘It doesn’t work like that. They’ve imprinted, and…’

He suddenly realised what he had said.

‘They have what?’

After a moment of silence, Jacob said: ‘It’s… it comes along with being a shapeshifter, you know. Didn’t Embry tell you about this?’

‘No. He didn’t.’

‘I’m not sure if he wants me to tell you.’

‘Since when did that stop you?’

Jacob smiled at that.


	21. Chapter 3 - Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

Embry sat down beside you. The grass was cold underneath him and the sand his feet were buried in as well. ‘What are you doing here all alone?’

You took a deep drag of your cigarette and exhaled the smoke with a sigh. Somewhere in the distance, the waves were softly crashing against some driftwood, and the vague moon was shining through an everlasting blanket of thick, dark clouds.

‘Thinking.’

‘About what?’

The response he got was silence. 

He called out your name. ‘What is it?’

‘Jacob told me something…’, you answered as Embry pushed your hair behind your ear. He rested his hand in your neck, his thumb caressing your cheek, when you looked at him.

‘What did he tell you?’

It felt like you were staring at yourself, as it did so many times with him. You put your cigarette out in the sand.

‘Embry’, you began, but swallowed audibly before you continued, ‘did we imprint?’

Panic overtook his expression for a second, but he quickly composed himself. He withdrew his hand from you face and closed his eyes.

After what seemed like a lifetime, he slowly nodded.

‘Yes, I think we did.’

‘Do you love me, Embry?’

‘Yes - of course I do.’ He’d never answer late on that question, but he didn’t know what it meant at the moment.

‘But we should figure out what-’, he started and stopped. His breath was stuck in his throat. You had leaned over to him, placed your fingers gently on his jaw, and kissed his skin. He wasn’t sure what it was or where to begin, but he wanted it more than  _ anything _ in the world.

Embry whispered your name. In one swift move, he grabbed you and pulled you on top of him. As you pushed him down into the grass, your necklace fell out of your sweater, the little cross almost touching his chest. 

‘It’s only us now’, he muttered against your lips, ‘no one else.’ And you agreed with him by pressing your lips upon his, finishing the crime.


	22. Chapter 4 - Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

Many times that summer you spent your lazy afternoons at Emily’s. You’d eat and laugh and watch sports, and throw Embry a smile from across the room. 

‘Bella’s coming over today with Jake’, Quil announced one day as he entered the living room.

‘Bella?’, you scoffed as Paul lifted your legs and sat down on the couch, reclaiming his spot after he went to the bathroom. ‘That whore?’

Jared choked on his beer and Emily glared at you from the kitchen. ‘You can’t say such things about a person you don’t know.’

‘She’s right, though’, Leah shrugged.

Quil shook his head and said; ‘You guys are so lucky Jake’s on patrol with Embry, ‘cause he would’ve killed you if he heard this.’

‘But she is one’, you continued, anger thick in your voice. ‘She was all over that Edward guy and as soon as he left, she went to Jacob. Then Edward came back, and suddenly Jacob wasn’t good enough anymore.’

‘It didn’t happen that fast!’, Emily objected.

Paul laughed. ‘No, because she probably needed some time to figure out who had the most money.’

‘That’s too easy. She needed to know who had the biggest dick’, you laughed along, somewhat bitterly.

Your laughter then faded into silence, but Paul broke it with a sigh, said: ‘And Jacob loves her for it’, while looking into his bottle of beer.

_ Yes, he does _ , you thought. You wondered if he would still love you if you told him everything. Because, honestly, was it that much worse than dating a fucking vampire? It was a beautiful sunny day that day, but how unfair the world seemed to you.


	23. Chapter 4 - Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

As Embry kissed you his mind placed himself at the front door, walking inside. It was far past midnight. He went through the hall, then into the dim living room, and saw himself on the couch with you on top of him. You muttered his name as his hand moved down from your neck, your legs entangled, his mouth wet on yours. 

Embry had to admit he hated patrol, but when he came home late at night you were always awake for him, so he didn’t really mind.

Lightly, you scratched his neck with your nails, then his shoulders and his chest, and you made your way down. You pressed your body as close to him as you could, while fumbling with his belt. 

‘Don’t’, Embry said as he placed his hand upon yours. ‘Mom will be home any second.’

You got off the couch and pulled him with you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, said ‘then let’s get out of here’ and smiled at him.

‘Where?’

‘Anywhere.’

So a good fifteen minutes later Embry’s car was parked on the beach and you got out. The wind was lifting your white sundress up, and the moon and the stars made it almost transparent. 

‘I want to jump, just like you do with the rest’, you explained to him as you dragged him to the cliffs.

‘It’ll be cold’, Embry stated, but you said that it was always cold, and he agreed with that.

The earth seemed deprived from any sound, but your bare feet on the ground and your laughter, and the occasional kisses, broke that silence.

At last you made it to the top. Embry held your hand all the while and hand in hand you leaned over the edge to look at the vast eternity of the ocean.

And so you both took a few steps back, then ran toward the edge, and jumped.

It was cold, mid-air, just as Embry had said, but the warmth of his hand was all you needed. Even colder was the water, when you sank deep into it. You wished you could stay there forever, yet Embry started to make his way towards the surface, and soon you reached it as well.

Embry had one arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you close, and used the other to stay afloat. There were no words to be said; you both knew that this was the only way you both could truly be happy. You stayed there for a while.

As time passed, Embry started to notice the purple colour of your lips, and kissed them as you swam towards the beach. Never leaving each others lips, you made your way out of the water, across the sand, to the car. His hands were all over your body, as were yours, and he placed you on the hood of his car.

Not much was needed that night, and Embry pulled your dress up and your underwear aside, and took you there, under the eyes of Hercules and everyone else in the sky.


	24. Chapter 4 - Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

It was only when Jacob imprinted on Renesmee as a baby, that he might have understood. But that still was a long time ahead of him then.

‘I’m with you, Jacob, no matter what Sam says’, Embry tried to assure his friend.

‘You don’t have to. I don’t expect you to understand-’

‘You’re my friend, that’s reason enough.’

Jacob smiled. He was only wearing brown shorts and enjoyed the sun on his bare skin. The waves crashed against the cliffs many feet beneath him, the sound of it easing his thoughts.

He passed the cigarette back to Embry. ‘Thanks, man. I appreciate it a lot.’

‘So, how’s Bella doing?’, Embry asked as he took a deep drag from the smoke.

Everytime Jacob was asked about her, he couldn’t help but sigh. ‘She’s fine I guess. But huge though, it’s like she’s having three kids instead of one.’

‘That doesn’t sound like much fun.’

‘No. No, it isn’t.’

‘But you still love her?’

Embry gave the cigarette to Jacob, who stared at it for a second, and then threw it in the ocean. ‘I don’t fucking know anymore. I guess I did, and I guess I do in a way, but there’s no point in it now. She’s married, and soon maybe dead.’

Jacob thought about it and other things, and realised he never had the courage to tell Embry how he truly felt about her. After a long silence, he threw his hands in the air, and decided to do it this way. ‘I just wish that for once… that for once I could tell her the goddamn fucking truth.’

‘And that is?’

‘That I fucking love her’, Jacob cried out. ‘More than anything, really. But she just can’t fucking see. God, it’s so fucking frustrating. I’d do literally anything for her. Just  _ anything _ .’

With each word that Jacob spoke, Embry got a strange feeling. He couldn’t recall his best friend ever talking so passionately about her, and this was confirmed when Jacob, hoping the wind would conceal his words, whispered quietly under his breath: ‘I don’t even care about Bella anymore.’


	25. Chapter 4 - Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

‘I believe that days have colours’, you said that summer. 

There, underneath the great grey skies and in plain sight of God’s eyes, you and Embry stood. It was a white day and the wind was blowing your hair all around. He laughed at that. Then he took a step closer and felt the cool sea you were standing in. 

You smiled at him, your body wrapped in a white sweater, like the day, and brown shorts. With your arms crossed you told him that those were the good times. He should never forget them. And he didn’t.


	26. Chapter 5 - The Last Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

During that entire summer, there had only been one big storm. 

Jacob had seen you from his garage, walking towards the shores. It went as quick as this.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Just to the cliffs.’

It was a good hour later that Jacob ran into his house with his jacket held above his head, sheltering him from the rain. He then realised you hadn’t returned yet. 

That’s when he found you walking down the cliff.

‘Oh, Jacob. Thank God you’re here. I can’t believe how the weather has turned.’

Jacob couldn’t believe it either, or hear it, as the wind blew so hard it hurt his face.

‘What are you still doing here?’, he shouted.

‘Some thinking’, you yelled back. Behind you, the ground rose a bit more and then the horizon began, trees to his left and right, and the sun above the sea, weighed down by heavy black and grey clouds.

He knew this wasn’t the moment to have a conversation, but he wanted you to tell him truly once and for all. He had kept pondering it for so long. It was just like a wound that wouldn’t heal. 

‘About what?’

You stared at him for a minute, not understanding, but then shrugged, said ‘Nothing, really’, and walked towards him.

‘About Embry?’

You stopped. The rain fell on you hard.

‘Why would you think that?’

He angrily turned his head to the side, his eyes unable to see yours as he knew what was going to be said. ‘I know about you and him. I just fucking know, so don’t try to fool me.’

That moment, it was you who decided not to face him anymore. You crossed your arms and saw how your tears blurred the gold and grey.

‘So what? There was nothing I could do against it. Nothing he could do. Don’t you try and judge me, Jacob. Don’t you try.’ 

‘But there’s got to be something you can do. There’s  _ got  _ to.’

He reached out, placed his hand on your bare shoulder. ‘This isn’t right, you know that.’

‘Of course I know’, you sobbed, but your voice was harsh.

‘I can help you’, he tried to convince you, and also himself, as he took a step closer, and added, ‘You just need to get him out of your head. If you could do just that… if you could just get him out of your head. That’s all you’ve got to do. And I promise you that I won’t tell anyone, I really won’t. All this will just be between us, and no one ever has to know.’

But with every word he spoke you drew further and further into yourself, and Jacob felt his hands tremble with despair.

‘Just look at me, okay?’, he muttered as he turned you around. Then he said it louder. He loved you, he really did. That was the truth, he thought.

And as soon as one of his hands was on your cheek, the other one on your waist, and his lips on yours, you pushed him away. 

‘You can’t just do this’, you said through your tears. Again, you refused to look him in the eye. He had no right to do this to you. No one had, as no one could judge. Only God could, and He was still a long time away from you.

Jacob had been able to deal with every word you had said before, able to try and find a solution for it each time again. But when you said the following, he couldn’t. So, angry, and half in love with you, and tremendously sorry, he turned away.


	27. Chapter 5 - The Last Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

‘ _ He’s the love of my life _ .’


	28. Chapter 5 - The Last Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

You thought about it often the following days. Yet nothing could better help give it a place than a view of the pine trees, a breeze swaying through them, the blue sky above, the mountains far, far in the distance, and a cigarette.

It was this place you had sought by sitting on you window sill, breathing in the open air and the smoke.

You were anxious when you thought about what Jacob would have done next. Would he have gone inside, and told Billy? Or would he have kept it a secret to him, but told Quil or Sam? Or perhaps he had gone to Embry. God knows what he would’ve done then.

You slid the straps of your dress off your shoulders, as if to free your chest from the burden and the guilt. 

And with your head leaning back and your eyes closed, Embry didn’t want to disturb you. But what had happened, was beyond him now. He called out your name in despair.

He scared you, he did. Looking down, you saw him outside, coming from the woods, running towards you. He lifted his face up and said the worst imaginable thing.

Embry then talked and talked, desperate hands running through his hair. His world was on fire and hands were up. 

All the while, you were hanging from the window, not understanding a single word anymore, slowly crying, the cigarette falling from between your fingers onto the ground, and all you could really think was:

‘ _ Ooh, baby, ooh baby, I’m in love _ .’


	29. Chapter 5 - The Last Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

Embry sat on your bed, his head in his hands.

‘We’ve got to get out of here’, you said as you frantically threw all of your clothes into a bag. ‘We’ve got to leave now, Embry. There’s nothing left for us.’

Guilt, though, was a treacherous feeling.

‘But what have we done?’, he said, and then whispered your name as he looked across the room. It was a mess everywhere. You had opened every drawer, and had then thrown everything out of them. The closet was half empty, with a pile of old clothes on the ground. There were books laying on the bed, cd’s scattered across the floor. 

But you were a mess as well, and what a mess, Embry thought, as you fell onto your knees in front of him.

Worry and fear were everywhere in your eyes, searching for an answer in his. Your hair was tangled a little, contrasting deeply against your white blouse. And your lips were so kissable, making him want you now more than he ever had wanted you before.

‘We... I… Don’t you love me anymore?’

‘No’, Embry immediately answered. ‘I’ll always love you.’ His right hand ran through your hair, brushed your cheek and stopped at your necklace. He held the cross between his fingers, as he had done so often.

The gold looked as good on your skin as it did on his, and he thought a long time about what it meant to him; life and hope and love and you.

So, suddenly, his voice grew very certain. ‘You’re right. We do have to leave. We’ll start over somewhere, where no one knows us.’ He placed a kiss upon your lips. ‘There’s a reason we imprinted.’

As he stood up, you were still on the floor, watching him in the doorframe. In that moment, he was indescribable, in the best of ways. ‘Let me just get my things’, he said.


	30. Chapter 5 - The Last Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

The parking lot of the gas station was almost empty. On the left, there was one black and one grey car, and on the right, a white one. Somewhere between them you were, Embry behind the wheel and you next to him.

You felt like you wanted to cry. Outside, the weather had turned so dark and gloomy, and it made you feel sad for all the glorious days that seemed so far away now. 

Looking out the window, you saw their faces in the sky. Heard them speak, heard them laugh and cry. Relived every memory with them. It went fast, and in this order; Jared choking on his beer, Sam in your backyard, Billy saying ‘happy birthday’ from his front door, Emily telling Paul to back off, Jacob holding you on your couch. 

But their eyes soon turned into the orange street lights and the illusion was gone.

You felt like the world had fooled you. No matter how many charming mornings and nights had passed that summer, the last day was as ugly as it ever could be. It was like God Himself told you that your happiness would never last in La Push, though it might just seem so. That you had to find it somewhere else.

So you turned to him. ‘I’ll just go grab some food and drinks. Will you call…’

‘I’ll call mom’, Embry assured you. He couldn’t bring himself to kiss you while he still was in that godforsaken town, so he rested his hand in your neck, his thumb running along your jaw. Your eyes closed at his touch.

Two things happened then.


	31. Chapter 5 - The Last Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

It was cold inside the store, so you buried your hands in your oversized jacket. 

There wasn’t much food; you only took a few bottles of water and coke, and a pack of granola bars. 

You hated this place.

With your eyes on the ground, you made your way over to the cashier. But you stopped, as this man in front of you, tall, russet skin and dark hair, reminded you so much of Jacob for an instant. He held a newspaper in his hand, and as he looked down at you, you recognised him as Sam Uley.

It was this man that had told everyone, after Jacob had told him. He was the one that chased you and Embry out of your home. He did all that and you wanted to make him fucking suffer for it one day.

He called out your name in that commanding voice of his, which made you freeze as you tried to walk away from him.

Slowly, you looked up at him. ‘What is is you want?’

‘I want you to stop doing whatever it is you do to him.’ His voice met you with the same amount of venom. ‘You’ve got to stop this. It’s goddamn fucking wrong.’

‘What’s goddamn fucking wrong’, you hissed, ‘is you guys judging us. You fucking now what it’s like.’

That was all you had to say to Sam, but when you were past him, he spat back; ‘You and your fucking religion. Wear that goddamn cross around your neck, be a fucking hypocrite. But from what I remember, this is a fucking sin, and you’ll pay for it.’

‘Fucking try and threaten me, Sam’, you said as you turned around, and then added after a moment, ‘You know what? One day, when you think you’re all happy and settled, I’ll go and take whatever it is that you love most. I’ll make fucking sure you’ll never see it again and hope you’ll be miserable from then until your last day on this fucking earth. Just like you tried to do to me, you fucking bastard.’


	32. Chapter 5 - The Last Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

Embry walked a good distance away from the car, trying to find telephone connection. A few raindrops fell down on the screen.

It made him nervous, thinking about telling his mom. He sighed and got angry with himself, hating the world right now.

That was why he gave his former best friend such a bitter glare as he called out his name from the distance.

‘What the fuck are you doing here?’

‘Sam and I just happened to stop by, okay? What the fuck are you so angry about?’, Jacob explained then asked when he walked towards him, but as Embry refused to answer, he sighed and said: ‘Look, Embry, you shouldn’t leave. Just think about everyone else, how it’ll affect them. I’ve tried talking to her, but she won’t listen to me. I know you will-’

‘Don’t fucking talk about her! She told me you tried to kiss her the other day, you know. What the fuck were you even thinking?’, Embry yelled as he shoved Jacob backwards.

‘Someone had to put the fucking idea out of her head!’

‘No one had to!’

Realisation started to kick in, along with an overdose of anger. ‘God, you told me yourself you loved her, didn’t you? That day at the cliffs. I wouldn’t believe it, but now…’

‘But now what?’, Jacob shouted out.

‘Now I finally see what kind of a hypocrite you are. Those fucking things you said to me. You love her, Jacob. You’d do anything for her. Isn’t that what love is? You should know, ‘cause that’s the exact fucking way you described loving her as to me. Loving  _ her _ !’, Embry laughed, but soon turned to rage again, ‘You’ve got no fucking right, you know that? She’s not fucking yours. She’s my-’

‘Sister’, Jacob cried out. 

Embry froze. 

No one had said it out loud before. 

The wind threw the word in his face. The rain painfully fell down on him.

‘ _ She’s your fucking sister, for God’s sake _ .’


	33. Chapter 5 - The Last Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he isn't supposed to love.

Sam stood in front of the store, Jacob in the middle of the parking lot. 

All they could do was stare in anger and regret, respectively.

Yet neither of you cared. You took a sprint towards the car, towards Embry, towards your future.

He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, you gave him a long and blissful kiss, and you left. 

You were finally on the road, gone from that godforsaken town.

Embry’s mind was everywhere. He thought about how the car felt like his ticket to freedom, how he was driving away from the past and into your new lives. But mostly about how beautiful you were, even in the dark, even with tears on your face and a cigarette between your lips.

Was it Tibullus, who said it like this? He couldn’t recall the poet, but he did remember the poem, and, God, how profoundly it reminded him of you in this moment.

Then to my arms, in lovely disarray,

With welcome kiss, thy darling feet will fly!

O happy dream and prayer! O blissful day!

What golden dawn, at last, shall bring thee nigh?

Those were Embry’s thoughts, but all you could think of was how the day was dark and somber, yet how in front of you, just above the horizon, the clouds were clearing, and a hint of a blue day was spreading itself slowly across the sky. You smiled at Embry, and he smiled back.


	34. Epilogue - Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Embry loves what he is supposed to love.

Canada was not that different from La Push, Jacob found, as he had fled there a couple of times. Today he wasn’t fleeing anymore, though. He was facing the truth, and repenting for his faults.

He started his confession with a knock on the door, then another one, and nervousness built inside him and filled him completely.

It was a lovely house, small and wooden, well kept and close to the forest. Like the previous one, he thought, and shame took over his emotions once again.

But there was no need to be ashamed, because as soon as Embry opened the door, he wrapped his friend in a strong embrace.

‘Jacob, I… I’m so happy to see you.’

‘I know. I missed you, Embry, I really did.’

Jacob held on to Embry’s shirt, and felt tears forming. ‘I can’t tell you how sorry I am about everything, and how sorry I am about how long it took me to get here. I-’

‘Embry, who’s at the door?’

Jacob fell silent as he heard your voice. He remembered the sweet sound of it, and how it made him feel before he had met Renesmee. In his head, he repeated it, and heard it fade in his memory.

It seemed like a lifetime before you got there.

Embry didn’t know what to say, but when you appeared next to him, he wrapped his arm around you, and looked Jacob sternly in the eye. 

Jacob knew he couldn’t chose; it was you  _ and _ him, now. So he smiled at you, and told you how lovely you looked, and how glad he was to be there.

It was a beautiful, clear, golden day. You stepped back, opened the door completely, and smiled.

‘Come in, Jacob. I missed you.’


End file.
